final hours

as the clock winds down the last few hours of 2005, i know this has been an incredible year. new house, graduation, marriage, honeymoon, new job. more than i ever expected. hopefully, for the new year, i can adopt a new attitude and find more direction.

happy new year to all!

aha!

i used to love to write. poetry, short stories, quotes, and even quick observations of the world around me were all pieces i felt excitement and anguish over in my youth. it's not like i'm an old lady now who finds no value in such works. it's just that i have lost the ability to believe that anything i write is of quality or interest. why did i lose this love? pride. low self-esteem. teen angst. i suppose they all come into play. i let one individual's biting remarks and sour attitude impact me so deeply that i ultimately let my pen lay idly by for the last 10 years of my life. foolish, isn't it? and while i certainly concede that i am no zora neale hurston or emily dickenson or sylvia plath, i was beginning to develop a style of my own creation when i let my feelings of doubt consume me. instead of realizing that life is full of critics and using this individual's disdain for my work as an opportunity to produce more polished works, i retreated with my tail tucked safely between my legs and my head drooping to the ground. simply put - i gave up.

daydreaming

for the last week i have been consumed with thoughts of how to make money working from home or by starting my own business. i never thought i would get a master's degree only to discover i'm unfulfilled at work. sometimes i find myself envying landscapers, fed-ex drivers, and zephyrhills water delivery folks. and while i only really went back to school because i was having a hard time getting a job working at universities that paid decently, i'm learning that the increase in pay isn't really the reward i thought it would be. i've debated becoming a teacher, but honestly, i don't have the expertise to teach a subject area, nor do i have the patience required to deal with a class full of little children vying for my attention. what is a girl with 2 college degrees to do??